I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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