carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
