my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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