i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
