I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
