I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
