Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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