i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
