Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
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Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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