yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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