if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
In the future we'll all be gay
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
