He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
