I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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