he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
