if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
