so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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