Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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