Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
