if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
