You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
