Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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