you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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