My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
NoShamevember. You game?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
