8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
