can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
