What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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