butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
