And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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