Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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