Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize