The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
