He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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