How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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