you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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