this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
