Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
