You can't motorboat a personality
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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