even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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