i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
