You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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