I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
