tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have aggressive nipples.
All the doctor said was why
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
