it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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