You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
