they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My bed smells like the plague
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