I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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