I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize