I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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