Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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