9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
