That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You made out with two different species that night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
