Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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