Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
