U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
