I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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