I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
