i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
