If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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