So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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