In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
