I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
