No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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