hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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