p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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