You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
