The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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