Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
