Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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